


so tender and mild

by parkrstark



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Gen, Insomnia, Light Angst, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleepy Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 01:18:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: Ever since Titan, Peter hasn't been able to sleep. Tony is no stranger to insomnia and shares his secret to sleepless nights with Peter.





	so tender and mild

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based off that comic strip where it's shown that Tony Stark holds newborn babies on the nights he can't sleep because they need to be held. 
> 
> I hope there aren't too many mistakes...it's almost 4am

Peter was exhausted. 

Every day, he seemed to grow more and more tired. By the time the sun set and he was crawling into his bed, his eyes were burning and his body begged for rest. 

But he _couldn't_ sleep. 

He laid awake for hours after his head hit the pillow. His eyes stared up at his ceiling until the alarm on his phone was going off the next morning. 

He didn't do it on purpose. He desperately wanted the sleep.  _ Needed  _ it too-- he was basically a zombie during the day. He went to school, barely conscious and went throughout his routine half-dead until he got into bed at night and repeated the same thing over again. 

May noticed. She tried to help him with different ways to get him to sleep. She made him warm milk, she kept the TV on in the living room, she plugged a nightlight into his wall, and she even spent the night in his bed. 

None of it helped.

In fact, knowing that May was so worried about him made it _worse_.

He tried to hide it. He told her he was getting a few hours even when his eyes didn't shut once. 

The only time he ever slept was when his body physically shut down to rest because if it didn't, he'd die. It didn't last long. Maybe 4 hours at the longest before he was shooting up in bed, soaked in sweat, his heart racing with the taste of ash of his tongue. 

Those nights were even worse than the ones where he got no sleep. 

Because on those nights, he spent the rest of the night sitting up with his knees pulled up against his chest, squeezing his pillow tightly with tears streaming down his face as he struggled to remember that he was alive. He was alive and on Earth.

He was okay...right?

 

It had been going on for weeks and it wasn't getting any better. 

He'd been to therapy several times since he'd been back. It didn't help. 

He was sure he was broken. He wasn't even the only person that went through what he did. And maybe it was painless for everyone else, but the pain wasn't even what bothered him. 

It was just...dying on a distant planet and disappearing into an infinity stone was too much for Peter to comprehend. Watching the others dust before him, knowing he was next and then trying so hard to hold on but failing… it was _too_ _much_. 

May had suggested talking to Tony about it. She said he'd understand and he'd be able to help. But Peter couldn't do that. If he went to Tony, he'd have to talk about it. He'd have to remind the man how he fell into his arms, begging for him to save him even though Tony could nothing about it...he was helpless.

Tony had enough guilt and trauma from Titan. Peter didn't want to make it worse. 

 

So, of course, May told him herself. 

 

Peter didn't even know. Tony was picking him up from school for a lab day when he brought it up. Peter was barely buckled in before Tony said, “You're not sleeping.”

_Because_ he wasn't sleeping, it took a little longer than it should have to process what he said. “I'm okay.”

“Don't lie to me, Pete,” Tony said. He wasn't moving to start driving any time soon. He turned in his seat to face Peter. 

Peter groaned and wouldn't meet Tony's eyes. “Okay, fine. I've been having trouble sleeping. Did May tell you?” 

“Yes. But that's not how I know. I've known for a while.” Peter looked up to give him a dubious look and Tony rolled his eyes. “Have you looked in the mirror, kid? The bags under your eyes have their own bags.” 

Peter raised a hand up his face self consciously. 

“And I know you, Pete. The kid I know isn't... _ this.  _ And I knew something was wrong, but I'm an asshole and I thought letting you handle it on your own was what you needed to move on. But I was wrong.”

Peter didn't want him feeling guilty again. “It's not your fault, Mr. Stark. I tried to keep it a secret.” 

“You shouldn't be. That's the problem.” He sighed. “Maybe you learned a little too much from me. Hiding things isn't a good way to heal. If you need help, you should ask.” 

“‘m fine,” he mumbled. 

“Sure, you are. Just...tell me next time, okay?” 

“Yeah...course.” 

 

When they got back, they didn't work in the lab. Tony said until Peter got a full night’s rest, he wasn't allowed in the lab. He wasn't alert enough to handle the tools down there safely. 

After Peter stumbled over his own when he was getting out of the elevator, he reluctantly agreed. 

So, they had a lazy day. Tony ordered them pizza and he turned on the television. He put on a movie and they sat on the couch to watch it.  Peter stayed on the other end from Tony though. He ignored the disappointed look on his face when he realized Peter wasn't curling up under his arm. 

But Peter couldn't. 

Because Tony always pulled him close and played with his hair and Peter would wrap an arm around his chest to pull himself closer to Tony's heartbeat until it was beating steadily in his ear. 

And then he'd fall asleep. 

Like clockwork, every time, Peter was out like a light by the end of movie night.

 

But Peter couldn't fall asleep. He didn't want to have nightmares in front of Tony. 

So, he leaned against the armrest as the movie continued on despite the vacant spot next to Tony where it would be comfier and safer. He just couldn't. 

 

Even later that night, once he was alone in his room, he couldn't sleep. This time he tried. He laid down and pulled a pillow close to him. He pressed an ear against it, trying to remember what it felt like for Tony's heartbeat against his cheek. 

He was laying down, staring up at the ceiling and counting sheep-- yes, he was actually counting sheep jumping over a fence to try and get him to sleep-- when the door creaked open. 

Tony's voice was low even though they both knew he knew Peter was awake. “Pete, bud, you up?” 

Peter rolled over, his eyes burning at the light bleeding in through the doorway. “You okay, Mr. Stark?” 

“I'm fine.” He stepped in more and shut the door behind him, but didn't turn the light on. Peter couldn't see him anymore, but he knew he was here. He could hear the soothing sound of his heart beating. “You couldn't sleep?” 

Peter debated lying. He could say he was asleep until he heard the creak of his door, but he was so tired of having to keep up this wall, he said, “No.”

“Nightmares? Or just can't sleep?” Tony asked from somewhere beside him. 

Maybe it was because Peter couldn't see Tony in the pitch dark, but suddenly, opening up about his insomnia wasn't so hard. He could pretend he was just talking to himself. No one had to be listening. “Was worried about having one earlier. But now that I'm in bed...I just lay here. I've tried everything May suggested. I've read books and online blogs. Nothing is helping. I haven't slept since before Titan. I don't even remember what a good night's rest feels like.”

Tony was so silent for a moment that Peter thought maybe he was imagining him. Then he spoke again, “I wanna take you somewhere. Get your shoes and coat on.” 

Peter blinked. He had to be joking. It was almost midnight.  “What?” 

“You heard me, bubs. I'll meet you in the living room. Dress warm, it's chilly.”

Then he was gone. 

Peter blinked a few times, trying to figure out if that was a dream or not. 

A few moments later, FRIDAY was reminding him to get dressed, as Tony was waiting. 

So, it wasn't a dream then. 

 

Twenty minutes later, Peter was sitting in the passenger seat of Tony's Audi with the heated seats on full power. He was still in his pajamas, soft Star Wars pants with one of Tony's MIT sweatshirts, but now he had his winter coat and a hat on too. 

Tony hadn't said a word when they got in. He put the radio on a low volume and Christmas music started to fill the car as they drove. 

Peter stared out the window, looking at all of the houses with their lights. Some were off since it was late, but there were still some houses that had a few lights still on. 

He didn't mind the drive, despite the cold. He had nothing better to do except lay in bed until the sun came back up. 

Maybe Tony was hoping the motion of driving would put him to sleep. Peter had read that a few times online but never tried it out. May had early morning shifts; she couldn't be up ad driving Peter around Queens all hours of the night. 

But this seemed to help him. 

Between the warm car, the music that Tony was humming along to, and the pretty lights all around him, Peter was more at peace than he'd be in for weeks. 

J ust when he was starting to let his eyes drift closed, Tony stopped the car. Peter was alert once again, looking around. 

“Where are we?” 

“Adoption Agency.” 

Peter must have heard him wrong. “Excuse me?”

“Adoption Agency. Kinda like an orphanage for newborns before they're found homes.” 

“Mr. Stark, I think you should wait until you marry Pepper before you start adopting kids.” 

Tony chuckled. “I'm not adopting any kids.” He paused to glance at Peter. “Well, not anymore.” 

Peter's cheeks blushed faintly as he huffed. “Then what are we doing here?” 

“You'll see. C’mon.” He didn't wait before opening his door and stepping out. Peter shivered at the sudden cold air, but still opened his own door and followed Tony outside. 

“If I knew we’d be getting out of the car, I would have gotten dressed,” he said, feeling self-conscious in his pajama pants that were tucked into his snow boots. 

“No, pajamas are good. You need to be comfy,” Tony said. 

“Okay…” Peter didn't argue it as they crossed the parking lot to the front door. Tony knocked a few times before the door was opened. 

An older woman stood on the other side and when she recognized Tony, her eyes lit up and she smiled. “Tony! Such a sweet surprise! Oh, come in, hurry!” 

Tony and Peter both were ushered inside the warm house and met by the smell of Christmas. His shoulders relaxed as he smiled. He looked around the main room and saw their tree and all of the decorations. There wasn't a lot, but it was still beautiful. 

“You brought a friend tonight?” 

Peter turned back to the adults when he was bright into the conversation. 

Tony wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. “Sure did. Thought he could use some of the magic that happens here.”

The woman laughed warmly and Peter smiled. “Of course! Tonight seems to be a rough night for all of us, so we could use the extra hands. 

She started walking into the house, signaling them both to follow. 

Peter looked around the small house. Tony said it was an adoption agency, but it looked like a house a family lived in. Until they reached the back room that was full of cradles. 

There were two other people in the room: a young woman and an old man. Each had a fussy baby in their arms. 

Nobody explained anything to him. Tony led him to an empty couch to sit down on while the other two greeted them. They recognized Tony as well. 

“You ever hold a baby before?” Tony asked in a quiet voice. 

“Uh-- no,” he answered, eyeing the one cradle with the loudest crying baby. 

Tony smiled softly, leaning close to Peter. “It's okay.” 

The woman came up behind him with the baby that had been screaming and lowered her arms by Peter. 

Peter scrambled to fix his arms to hold the baby correctly. Tony helped him cradle the baby close to his chest while the woman transferred it. 

“He's a little cranky tonight,” she whispered and despite his loud noise at this hour, she didn't seem annoyed. 

Peter stared down at the same bundle in his arms. He looked so small and fragile. He couldn't believe he was holding a child. Tony had dragged him out of bed in the middle of the night to hold a baby? 

He held the child stiffly and wasn't sure what he was supposed to be doing. Was he hurting the child? Was he doing this right? “Mr. Stark--.” He started to panic and Tony immediately took the child into his arms. 

“It's alright, Pete. Just like me. Watch.” He held the baby like he was trained for this-- his arms cradled him perfectly. He started to bounce the baby slightly and hummed softly. 

Not too long after, the baby was quiet. He let out a few gurgles as Tony continued to rock him. 

Peter blinked. 

This may have been Peter's first time holding a baby, but it wasn't Tony's. 

“How did you do that?” He asked. 

“Tony's a natural,” the woman that answered the door said. She was still smiling even as she tended to her own crying charge. “Ever since the first time he came, he's been soothing babies better than anyone I know. He's a baby whisper.” 

Peter furrowed his brow as he stared at Tony. “You've been here before?” 

The woman answered for him with a laugh, “Been here before? He's been coming here almost 10 years.”

Peter's eyes grew wider.  _ 10 years?  _ “What?” 

Tony looked down at the baby his arms and spoke in a quiet voice. “After the Battle of New York. Couldn't sleep a wink.”

“So you came here?” 

“Yeah...JARVIS suggested it,” he said, his voice low. “Got desperate enough to come here one night and it became my thing. Nights I can't sleep, I come here.” 

“And hold babies?” 

“You’re not the only baby that cries when they’re not being cuddled.” 

Peter felt his cheeks burn slightly as he looked up to see the other three adults there smiling softly at the comment.  _ “Mr. Stark.” _

"They need to be held,” Tony said more serious this time, still looking down at the tiny, now quiet, baby in his arms. “But before they’re found families, volunteers like us give them the affection they need.”

Peter stared at Tony’s face, noticing how peaceful he looked as he held the baby. “That’s pretty sweet of you, Mr. Stark.”

Tony shrugged his shoulders, of course, trying to brush off the compliment. “Anyone would do it.”

“I don’t see anyone else out here at past 1 am, Mr. Stark.” Peter grinned. 

“Oh, hush, you. It’s your turn.” Tony shifted to hand the baby over to Peter. Peter hurried to mimic how Tony was holding him. “There you go. Just like that. Perfect.” 

For the first moment, Peter was stiff, afraid that the baby would start crying if he realized he wasn’t being held by Tony anymore. But the baby only blinked up at him and then made a face that probably wasn’t a smile, but Peter took it as one. “Did you see that, Mr. Stark? He smiled at me!”

Toy laughed. “He sure did, kiddo.” 

Then Peter relaxed, pulling the little boy closer to his chest. “He’s so adorable.”  

“The troublemakers always are,” Tony said, ruffling Peter’s hair. 

Peter huffed, looking at him briefly before turning back to the baby. “He’s insufferable, isn’t he?” He asked in a quiet baby voice. The baby reached up to grab Peter's nose. 

“Ganging up on me already?” Tony asked with amusement in his voice. 

“Mhmm,” Peter confirmed. “Getting ready for when Baby Stark is running around.” 

“God, help us all,” Tony said, chuckling softly. 

“You’ll be a great dad, Mr. Stark.” 

“And you’ll be a great brother, Mr. Parker.” 

Peter leaned against Tony’s side with a soft hum. “I hope so.”

Tony only responded with running his fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp softly. Peter smiled, leaning into his touch. Tony chuckled. “Like that, huh?” 

Peter nodded and after a moment, he said, “I hope this little guy finds the best family.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. He deserves a dad that will play with his hair and take him driving in the middle of the night on the nights he can’t sleep too.” His voice was low with exhaustion. 

Tony didn’t need to say anything for Peter to know he was caught off guard by his words. He just pulled him even closer and continued to play with his hair. 

They stayed like that for a while until the baby finally fell asleep to the soft humming of an Italian lullaby sung by Tony. Peter was dozing off himself, leaning against Tony’s chest. The only thing really keeping him awake was the fact that he had a baby in his arms. Near 3 am, the woman came over to take the sleeping baby from his arms carefully. She lowered him into his crib and kissed his forehead. She turned back to them and smiled. “Thank you for helping us out tonight, boys. You’re always welcome back.” 

“We’ll definitely take you up on that offer soon,” Tony said. “But now, I think it’s time to get my own sleepy baby to bed.” 

Peter knew he was teasing him, but there was something soft about the way he said “baby” unlike all of the other times that made Peter want to curl up deeper into his hold and never have to leave. Tony would keep him safe. 

He shut his eyes, preparing to do just that until Tony started shaking his shoulder. “C’mon, bud, bedtime.” 

Peter wasn’t even fully conscious as Tony lifted him up to his feet, support most of his weight. He mumbled a sleepy goodbye before he let Tony start leading him towards the front door. But before they could leave, he remembered something he needed to know. “Wait,” he said, turning to face the woman that was watching them with a smile. “Does he have a name?” 

She laughed. “He sure does. That’s baby Benjamin.” 

Peter’s eyes widened as wide as they could. “Benjamin.” 

“Yup. Named after the police officer that found him in an alley by his precinct.”

A police officer named Ben. Peter turned his head up to the ceiling and smiled. Tony nudged his arm. “He’s still looking out for you. Even he’s trying to help you get some sleep.” 

Peter whispered so low only he and Tony could hear, “Thanks, Uncle Ben.”

 

Tony started leading him back outside to the car in the lot. Peter was barely staying awake and Tony helped him into the passenger seat so Peter could curl up immediately. Tony pulled the seatbelt around him carefully. “Gotta keep you safe in here, squirt,” he said softly. 

“Thanks,” Peter mumbled with his eyes closed. 

“No problem,” he said, ruffling Peter’s hair once more. “How long has this nap been waiting?” 

It was too many days and he was too tired to do the math. “Dunno. Long time. Too long.” 

Tony sighed and Peter hoped he wasn’t disappointed in him. He just sounded sad. “Hopefully tonight is a good night.” 

Tony got into the other side and started the car up. Instead of putting the radio back on, Tony sang Christmas songs softly until Peter was fast asleep.

And it wouldn't make everything back to normal. It wouldn't even keep him sleeping through the night once they got back to the tower. 

But for now, curled up besides Tony as he drove them throughout the city, it was all calm and Peter felt safe. 

**Author's Note:**

> ofc i had to do this. babies r heckin adorable. i want to do this to help with my insomnia tbh i'll dedicate my life to cuddling babies.   
> also yes i had to add ben...i never even mean to, but he always finds his way in. (if you haven't read my other fics with him, I headcanon him as a police officer so that was little nod to our man uncle ben)   
> this is also super sleepy. i feel like losingmymindtonight right now writing this. 
> 
> i don't know if i like it or not....i hope you do. Please leave your thoughts below or come scream at me on tumblr: parkrstark


End file.
